I wanted to let all of you know how much I appreciate all the support you guys gave us. I couldn’t talk about this with everyone before now because my lawyer told me I couldn’t until it was over. I just want to explain this to everyone (some of you already know this) so you can understand what took place. My slander case was completely separate from the sexual abuse case. Had we gone to trial the sexual abuse would not have been part of it.
I talked to Cheryl and Crystal before this went forward because I wanted them to know where I was at from the beginning with all this so we wouldn’t have another Lynette situation. I wanted them to know that I just wanted CGT to be held accountable and know that people would stand up against them and that we wouldn’t be bullied into silence ever again. I never thought about a payday or how much we could get out of them. From the first lawsuit, I just wanted to be heard.
About a few months ago I really started to be able to let go of the pull that CGT had over my life and it was liberating. If you all knew what the last 4 years were like for me you would me amazed that I was even able to do that. I know it was only by the Grace of God, because I for one never thought that day would come. But it did. I realized that my children had lost a mother and Paul had lost a wife to this. I was so busy trying to keep everything together that I even lost who I was. I had no real life and the joy that I have always had was completely sucked out of me. It was time to reclaim my life again.
I know that some people are disappointed that this didn’t go to trial, but it didn’t need to and I am glad to have it over with. When I first decided that I couldn’t stay silent anymore (4 years ago) I really thought that the truth would matter to the people in CGT once there was no denying it. I thought that they stayed because they believed what Steve and the other Trustees were telling them. Now that we have proven the lies, they still don’t care. People didn’t even bother to read the depositions because they don’t want to know the truth and those that did read it don’t care about the real truth anyway. They cared about preserving their little world, even if it was based on lies. I realized that I was still fighting for a group of people that didn’t want us to fight for them. Those people that the truth mattered too already knew the truth and had left. The community was made aware and CGT now knows that if they cover up sexual abuse in the future they will be held accountable.
We accomplished all that we set out too. There was nothing else I could do and I wasn’t going to fight anymore just to fight. Now that doesn’t mean if I got a phone call tomorrow that someone was being abused that I would turn from it. I would jump right back in and try to help this person get justice but other then that, I am done. I want to focus on my family and friends and rebuild my life.
I have not been silenced about my past. I would never give up my voice. The only thing I can’t talk about is the slander case and how it was resolved. But there really isn’t a need to, because everything had already been made public by me when I posted the original complaint on my website and in the news. In working with SNAP I have learned that victims rarely get to be heard and there is rarely a positive outcome for them within the justice system. Anything we can accomplish is a victory for us. When I first came forward 4 years ago Becky said “Oh it’s JUST Jennifer, give her 6 months and she will be on to something else”. She will never know how much her words helped me at the times that I felt like giving up.
It was really important to me that you all know that I had not gone back on any word to the victims about what I would do in this matter. If this had been about sexual abuse then it would not have ended like this. But this was about my family. Although, I do feel like I honored Cheryl and Crystal in the decisions I’ve made, I also wanted to be sure they knew that I appreciated them being willing to stand up in a custody hearing and tell the truth about what happened to them. When I first came to them and asked them and others to testify about life in CGT they agreed They had no idea where else this would lead (nor did I ), but every time I came to them and others about not just stopping there and needing more from them, I was never turned down. They were willing to do something that would divide their family from that moment on because it was the right thing to do. And it wasn’t just them willing to do that. It was all of you.
But if you look back on everything that was accomplished during the past 4 years, I am very proud of everyone who was willing to take a stand. My nature is to stand up and use my big mouth, so for me this did not take me out of my comfort zone (even though it was more emotionally painful then I would have ever imagined) but for people like Cheryl, Crystal and Shari, well this went against their comfort zone and so I think they are far more brave than I ever was. It would have been harder for me to turn away and not speak out, so I completely respect the fact that they did something that was hard for them to do. It wasn’t just them that were willing to stand for the truth at the risk of losing family it was the Linder’s too. Not only did they stand up for the truth but their friendships with me caused tremendous strain on their relationships with their family still in CGT. They were cut off because people saw it as them choosing me over them. But it wasn’t that at all. They chose the TRUTH and people at CGT still don’t understand the difference.
But it is amazing how much strength everyone has gotten through this. People have been set free of many chains during this time, and people who never thought they had a voice found theirs. And we ALL (every one of us who spoke out, sexual victim or spiritual victim) were apart of something that had never been done before within the GAC group and God used all of us to shine a light into that place! I lost a lot of people that I thought were my friends, but I gained so much more out of this. I gained true friendships. I can look at all of my friends and have so much respect for them. So in the end I really didn’t lose a thing. It was more like I got out all the weeds and now my garden is able to grow and I am able to see the beauty. I know that sounds corny, but it is true!
I want to say a special thanks to all the victims of sexual abuse. I know first hand how hard this has been. You all have been so brave in coming forward. I want to recognize each one of you and tell you how much I love you and how you made such a difference by speaking out. That even includes Lynette. Even though I was very hurt by what she did, she is a victim of that place as well and I know how much pain she relived having to tell her story.
I also want to mention SNAP. A lot of you don’t know much about them but had it not been for Ann Brentwood (may she rest in peace) I would have never known where to even begin. She guided me through so much of this and taught me so much about character and love. She was with me from the beginning and she is the one who told me our voice was the most important thing we could give to this and then she taught me how our ears become just as important, because we need to give back to other victims who are coming out of what we have been through. She was the toughest ex-nun that I know of. She is so thrilled with what has happened. She would always tell me that the smallest victories needed to be celebrated in a BIG way. She made such an impact on my life and she is so missed. But it wasn’t just her, David Clohessy who is the Director of SNAP was there whenever I called.
He dealt with Libby at the beginning of this and let me know that he would do whatever he could to help. Libby didn’t realize that she helped me the day she started sending emails to him, trying to get him not to allow me to be a part of SNAP. Because of her, what we went through at CGT was made very clear to him. He never would even have known me like he does if it wasn’t for her. But his heart ached so much for me after reading what a mother would say about their own daughter that he got involved in any way he could. SNAP was mainly focused on the Catholic Church, but it didn’t matter that we weren’t Catholic. He cared because we were victims. Had it not been for SNAP we never would have known about the Lawyer in CA and we never would have sued. There are so many people that got involved who didn’t know us, but they did it because it was what was right. They were one of the first people to help me see that I mattered and that I wasn’t disposable.
Who would have thought that Catholics and former Catholics would have been apart of helping me??? I guess they were right when they taught us that Catholics were their beast It’s all a bit ironic and funny!!!
Anyway, I just wanted to let all of you know how much I love you and to thank you for standing with me during all of this.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Paul St. Charles is dead
A priest who was never defrocked died in November 2009. He should have been defrocked.
The diocese of Memphis Tennessee requested Paul St. Charles' removal from the priesthood; this request was made in 2004. Why did Rome not do this? Did they really want to do this or were they just giving victims of abuse a condescending pat on the head?
Today the church in Europe is in turmoil over renewed allegations of abuse and the coverup in the highest ranks of the church hierarchy. They earned the heartache because of the heartache their abusive clergy have caused.
The diocese of Memphis Tennessee requested Paul St. Charles' removal from the priesthood; this request was made in 2004. Why did Rome not do this? Did they really want to do this or were they just giving victims of abuse a condescending pat on the head?
Today the church in Europe is in turmoil over renewed allegations of abuse and the coverup in the highest ranks of the church hierarchy. They earned the heartache because of the heartache their abusive clergy have caused.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
A plateful of forgiveness . . . and not a pinch of truth
Officials and clergy of the diocese of Knoxville must be smiling! The cafeteria catholics of Knoxville have dished up a plateful of mercy and forgiveness without even so much as asking them for a side dish of truth and transparency.
Our children and youth are all the more in danger for it.
Whoever made this casserole of forgiveness that masquerades as sufficient nutrition for an ailing church, surely made it tasty. After all, it is easier to the palate if you don't add the really healthy foods that would make us stronger. Foods like the full truth about the abuse by Anthony O'Connell and the cover-up and corruption that surrounds it. Foods like asking for the other victims of Anthony O'Connell to come forward and get help.
Watch your diet, Knoxville catholics, You are seriously undernourished . . . and don't even know it.
Our children and youth are all the more in danger for it.
Whoever made this casserole of forgiveness that masquerades as sufficient nutrition for an ailing church, surely made it tasty. After all, it is easier to the palate if you don't add the really healthy foods that would make us stronger. Foods like the full truth about the abuse by Anthony O'Connell and the cover-up and corruption that surrounds it. Foods like asking for the other victims of Anthony O'Connell to come forward and get help.
Watch your diet, Knoxville catholics, You are seriously undernourished . . . and don't even know it.
Re-Oconnellizing Knoxville
Whenever one calls for truth and transparency about Anthony J.O'Connell, first Bishop of Knoxville, the cries of forgiveness and mercy begin.
Why can we not have a discussion about Anthony O'Connell that is full and complete before the door is closed on the discussion by those who want nothing of the truth but want only blind mercy and unsolicited forgiveness?
Pope John Paul II forgave his attacker, but the attacker remained in jail to complete his just sentence for the crime. Could Pope John Paul
have interceded to put his attacker back on the street? Many believe so, but he taught us the lesson that even with forgiveness comes justice.
Proponents of forgiveness for O'Connell want no justice. They want to "cafeteria style" forgiveness. Give me a plateful of forgiveness and
mercy but no side dish of truth and transparency. And definitely no justice -- Yuck!
Sadly, Catholics who read this are probably all too willing to just shut the door on discussions of truth by invoking the forgiveness card. I have forgiven O'Connell for being a total disappointment to me as one of the faithful in the diocese who was devastated by his admission of abuse. However, it would be a different story if he had molested MY son, said "I'm sorry" from the podium at a press conference and then left for a life of relative ease -- not in jail but in an abbey.
If O'Connell were the neighbor next door, would the paltry "I'm sorry" be enough for molesting your child? If he were the maintenance an, the mail man, the local fireman, the uncle, the stranger in the mall, would we say, "No jail for this crime. It's okay because he said he was sorry at a press conference."
Take away the title "Bishop" or "Father" from in front of someone's name, and things change. All of the sudden, ordinary man is subject to
justice, accountability, and restitution. But add the name "Bishop" or "Father" and we drown in a sea of mercy and forgiveness.
Go ahead and forgive, people of the diocese. But why not demand the truth and transparency that was promised by the church? They are not mutually exclusive. Our children deserve better from us, but we won't be giving the best, honest response. We are too satisfied with the easy way out of saying "forgiveness" over and over.
Truth and transparency is a much more difficult path and one the diocese of Knoxville won't be walking down any time soon.
Why can we not have a discussion about Anthony O'Connell that is full and complete before the door is closed on the discussion by those who want nothing of the truth but want only blind mercy and unsolicited forgiveness?
Pope John Paul II forgave his attacker, but the attacker remained in jail to complete his just sentence for the crime. Could Pope John Paul
have interceded to put his attacker back on the street? Many believe so, but he taught us the lesson that even with forgiveness comes justice.
Proponents of forgiveness for O'Connell want no justice. They want to "cafeteria style" forgiveness. Give me a plateful of forgiveness and
mercy but no side dish of truth and transparency. And definitely no justice -- Yuck!
Sadly, Catholics who read this are probably all too willing to just shut the door on discussions of truth by invoking the forgiveness card. I have forgiven O'Connell for being a total disappointment to me as one of the faithful in the diocese who was devastated by his admission of abuse. However, it would be a different story if he had molested MY son, said "I'm sorry" from the podium at a press conference and then left for a life of relative ease -- not in jail but in an abbey.
If O'Connell were the neighbor next door, would the paltry "I'm sorry" be enough for molesting your child? If he were the maintenance an, the mail man, the local fireman, the uncle, the stranger in the mall, would we say, "No jail for this crime. It's okay because he said he was sorry at a press conference."
Take away the title "Bishop" or "Father" from in front of someone's name, and things change. All of the sudden, ordinary man is subject to
justice, accountability, and restitution. But add the name "Bishop" or "Father" and we drown in a sea of mercy and forgiveness.
Go ahead and forgive, people of the diocese. But why not demand the truth and transparency that was promised by the church? They are not mutually exclusive. Our children deserve better from us, but we won't be giving the best, honest response. We are too satisfied with the easy way out of saying "forgiveness" over and over.
Truth and transparency is a much more difficult path and one the diocese of Knoxville won't be walking down any time soon.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Abuse by Clergy Never Goes Away
by David Brown
Printed October 22, 2008 in The Memphis News, www.theMemphisNews.com at the following link:
http://www.memphisdailynews.com/WeeklyPdf/10222008-Vol1-No19.pdf
In 1961 I was entrusted with a sacred secret. It was a secret I neither wanted nor deserved – yet there it was.
What was I to do with it? Who in the world would believe me if I spoke about my secret and how I obtained it? I feared no one would believe me, so I did what so many other holders of the sacred secret did. I tucked it away until I felt I could share it. Sadly, so many holders of that sacred secret have taken it to their graves, never saying one word about how they obtained theirs.
When did I finally share the sacred secret? 1996! It took me more than 35 years to have the courage to share it. And it was not until 2005 that I revealed the whole wretched story.
My sacred secret was created in 1961 when my mentor, one of the priests I looked up to, took my innocence in the worst of ways. He forced me to commit perverted sexual acts.
He took my trust and transparency and used them for his benefit. That is how pedophile ministers work. They groom their young victims. They are not in a rush. Time is on their side.
Why, the perpetrators are not the monsters or evil people that our parents and teachers have warned us to stay away from – besides, where can you be safer than to be under the protection of your minister? I often tell people that in 1961 I became a victim, in 1996 I became a survivor, and in 2005 I became an advocate.
Please don’t pity me. I don’t need it, but I do need your prayers. I work with so many victims who have been abused by a trusted clergy member and have lost their faith. Don’t pity those victims; lift them up in prayer.
Why does this road to recovery have to be so hard? Way too many religious leaders and administrators are not willing to admit one of their own could do something as evil as sexually abuse a minor. They are slow to respond.
They use phrases such as “under the blood,” “These are uncharted waters,” or “I have never encountered something like this before.”
Well-meaning faithful are to blame, too, when they fail to report suspected abuse. They err on the side of the pedophile instead of helping the victim. That is wrong.
I just completed a video project with Andrea Conte, the wife of Gov. Phil Bredsen. It is titled “Sacred Secret.” Watch it.
It truly is a must-see for the faith community. I should know.
David Brown is director of SNAP of Tennessee (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests).
Related link:
Question - did Paul St. Charles abuse at SHC?
Printed October 22, 2008 in The Memphis News, www.theMemphisNews.com at the following link:
http://www.memphisdailynews.com/WeeklyPdf/10222008-Vol1-No19.pdf
In 1961 I was entrusted with a sacred secret. It was a secret I neither wanted nor deserved – yet there it was.
What was I to do with it? Who in the world would believe me if I spoke about my secret and how I obtained it? I feared no one would believe me, so I did what so many other holders of the sacred secret did. I tucked it away until I felt I could share it. Sadly, so many holders of that sacred secret have taken it to their graves, never saying one word about how they obtained theirs.
When did I finally share the sacred secret? 1996! It took me more than 35 years to have the courage to share it. And it was not until 2005 that I revealed the whole wretched story.
My sacred secret was created in 1961 when my mentor, one of the priests I looked up to, took my innocence in the worst of ways. He forced me to commit perverted sexual acts.
He took my trust and transparency and used them for his benefit. That is how pedophile ministers work. They groom their young victims. They are not in a rush. Time is on their side.
Why, the perpetrators are not the monsters or evil people that our parents and teachers have warned us to stay away from – besides, where can you be safer than to be under the protection of your minister? I often tell people that in 1961 I became a victim, in 1996 I became a survivor, and in 2005 I became an advocate.
Please don’t pity me. I don’t need it, but I do need your prayers. I work with so many victims who have been abused by a trusted clergy member and have lost their faith. Don’t pity those victims; lift them up in prayer.
Why does this road to recovery have to be so hard? Way too many religious leaders and administrators are not willing to admit one of their own could do something as evil as sexually abuse a minor. They are slow to respond.
They use phrases such as “under the blood,” “These are uncharted waters,” or “I have never encountered something like this before.”
Well-meaning faithful are to blame, too, when they fail to report suspected abuse. They err on the side of the pedophile instead of helping the victim. That is wrong.
I just completed a video project with Andrea Conte, the wife of Gov. Phil Bredsen. It is titled “Sacred Secret.” Watch it.
It truly is a must-see for the faith community. I should know.
David Brown is director of SNAP of Tennessee (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests).
Related link:
Question - did Paul St. Charles abuse at SHC?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)